Introduction
What if I told you that you eat giant donuts with 20 grams of sugar daily, drink two glasses of alcohol, and a lot of fries and red meat?
You might be cringing by now.
We take care of our health. We are mindful of the food we eat. We talk about hygiene. Yet, we neglect to take care of our minds, which, when not under control, can do much more damage than an unhealthy lifestyle.
I feel that mental hygiene is as significant, if not more than that of our physical hygiene.
My journey
The topic of mental hygiene made me look at my own life. I wanted to understand the toxins and weeds I harbor and what I can do about it.
Here is my journey to keep my mental garden free of weeds.
Taming the Monster – Jealousy
I think this is one of the worst pollutants.
I experience jealousy when I see specific individuals. They upset me. This distracts me from my own goal. One of the most damaging impacts this has on me is that it distracts me. I start wishing I could accomplish what they have done.
Remedy
I thought a lot about it. I tried different tools and techniques. Eventually, the critical thing that has worked for me is to be on my track – to pursue my own goal and lead it in my own way.
The one caveat is that I must define my track first.
I have created a statement of my goal, passion, and journey. I tell myself I am happy for them but will walk in my tracks.
Retiring the judiciary – Judgment
Mind seems to be a state-appointed judge who is constantly passing judgment.
One interesting thing about the mind is that judgment arises from the place of our inadequacy and shortcomings we want to avoid to achieve whatever we want.
For example, I would like to capture the audience. I want to make an impression. These result in the judgment in this aspect of life.
1. I am sitting in a meeting. The mind is passing silent judgment on the speaker. What should they do or say?
2. I am alert when I am doing a presentation or speaking to a group. I am anxious and mentally judging myself. Looking good or making an impression is very important to me. So, I am constantly feeling myself. I beat myself up if I think I said something that did not go well.
Remedy
My remedy has been acceptance. I accept myself and everyone as it is. It helps me on two levels. It lets me clear my mind from “I am not enough.” It helps me to value my uniqueness. It makes me feel comfortable in my skin. At the same time, it lets me give respect.
Overcoming addiction – Chasing feeling good.
This is probably the biggest enemy of all. We are naturally programmed to pursue pleasure. The hormone dopamine is responsible for our pursuit of pleasure.
1. I get praise and recognition in the office or elsewhere. It feels good. I like the company. I give more attention to them. I do things to get the praise. I get more and more immersed in things that give me that sense. After a few months, I realized I had neglected what was essential. I basked in the feeling, not realizing that I was paying the price of not doing what was important to me.
2. Sitting idly, I glanced at my phone – I like something interesting. I will then go to Google search and start getting more information. This feels exciting, and I keep moving to one topic after another.
Remedy
To handle these, I have two strategies. First, I try to have time discipline for different activities. I feel having a window of time or a regular schedule helps us to prevent getting swept away by the things that give us pleasure. Keeping boundaries to my activities of pleasure – I can keep a balance.
My second strategy is to watch out for the moment when I start feeling good. I have seen that when we feel good, we make plans and engage or commit to things that may not serve us well.
This recently happened to me. I got an email from one of the readers about the blog and the value of the content. I saw myself getting very excited and started to plan how I could give more time to create more content. This awareness helped me to apply a brake. I reminded myself to consider my other commitments before increasing the activity.
A similar thing happened in one of my training sessions. I made a presentation, and it was received well. I enjoyed the experience. I offered to give my help to give time to do training. At that time, it struck me that I might be making a big commitment and would take considerable time. However,
Here is a YouTube video that will give you more insight into this. You may want to check out the book Dopamine Nation by Anna Lambke. (https://www.annalembke.com/dopamine-nation)
Firing Mr. Fixit – Jumping to solve the problem
1. I am talking to my wife. I am distraught when I see her getting upset with or on something. I curse the person and start finding a solution to the problem. Suddenly, I realized I was advising her on how to solve the issue.
2. As an IT consultant, I hear a customer telling me of something that is causing them a lot of trouble. I can see my mind start thinking of a solution.
Remedy
The strategy is to watch the mind and let the impulse pass.
Analyze the danger signal – Always on high alert to look for danger.
I hear something terrible in the news and think about how to save myself from that problem.
I hear someone criticizing me or my work. I feel someone is attacking me.
Something or someone hurt my loved one, and I want to punish them.
Remedy
The mind has evolved to keep us safe. It always wants to protect us.
My strategy here is first to thank the mind as soon as I realize the reason is starting to worry or be defensive. I try to send a message of love that I recognize and appreciate the mind for what it is doing.
My next step is to allow the mind to do what it does. I stay disengaged. I then try to surrender to the situation.
I have seen that our anxiety and worry come due to our attachment to people’s place situations. I take this as a message that life wants me to open up to what life is trying to offer.
Sometimes, it becomes painful as I feel bad. For example, if something makes my loved one feel pain. I just let the pain be. I have realized that pain is part of our life, and I like to accept it.
Grab the rein – Impulse.
I cannot control the number of times I feel a powerful urge to do or say something. Sometimes – I get a call or mail. I jump to start getting it done. I think almost an irresistible desire to finish when I suddenly remember something. The pull is so strong that I find it powerless not to respond to it.
Remedy
I have resolved to note it down and list it as something I need to attend to. I try to update as a reminder on my phone or a task to be done.
Conclusion
As much as we think we are in control, the mind runs us. Our instincts and habits determine how we behave or act in certain situations. If we are not vigilant, these thoughts and patterns of behavior can create a mental environment that is not conducive to living a life that we may wish for.
We all have our unique goals and aspirations. Our values or priorities are different. What I shared here is based on my values and purpose in life. The resolution I have can be very different for you. The point is that we are just aware of these situations and determine what response makes sense.
Keeping our mental garden free from weeds is no less important than a healthy lifestyle.
