Why should I care? Why should I read the article?
I want to show you that your mind is running you. It is taking advantage of our fears and basic instincts. It is holding us hostage, and we are unaware of it. I hope to show you the possibility of an authentic life.
This article is inspired by the book “You Can’t Hurt Me” by David Gogins*.
In his audiobook, he made a comment that stuck with me: – “Life is a game in which you are playing against yourself.” This book is about conquering our minds, being vigilant, and remembering that the mind will always try to trick us.
This forced me to look into my own life. I realized I had no idea how much I allowed my mind to control myself.
Here are some events in which I can now see how my mind was generating thoughts I didn’t realize then. I completely believed what my mind was telling me.
Story of Singapore
I used to live in Singapore. Then, something happened that could force me to leave Singapore. I still remember the afternoon when I was riding the train. As I looked outside, it suddenly felt so green and beautiful. I was sad that I would not be able to see any of these in my life. The fact that we will never be able to do something in our lives makes this particularly desirable. After a few days – the uncertainty went away. That place never looked extraordinary after that day.
Story of my near loss of eyesight
During my third year of college, I had an eye infection. The doctor told me not to read anything or watch TV. I felt so much urge to read. I would think that others were lucky. My mind kept dwelling on the thought of possible loss of eyesight and how my life would change. The problem was resolved. Today, I barely think of my eyes and how they enable me to see, live, and enjoy life.
Missing the earth
Sometime in 2012, I saw a documentary. I cannot remember the name of the documentary. It was about a few astronauts who would be living in the space station for six months. A scene shows the day before their departure, they were on the beach. They were told they would not be able to experience the earth the way they were doing that day. They would not be able to feel the sand beneath their feet. I had never felt so nostalgic about the Earth. The earth felt like a magical place that day. Alas, today – I do not feel that nostalgia.
The more I think about these examples, the more I realize that the mind will always look for what it cannot get. It will also try to hold onto something even if it has not paid attention to it until it is about to lose it or has lost it.
All these examples imply that this pattern will continue, except that what I focus on will keep changing. I am just concentrating on what I do not have or may lose or have already lost.
This leads me to the conclusion that the things I am looking for today or trying to stop are entirely based on my current situation. They will completely disappear and will be irrelevant in the future once my situation changes.
Nothing is missing in my life.
Some of the strategies I try to practice.
My life is full to the brim.
I try to remind myself of one mantra; – I do not need most of what I think I do. Life is providing what I require. It is my mind which keeps on telling me that I need something.
One of my aunts was telling me that when her husband passed away, she thought life would be over. She now says I am doing fine. I was doing fine. If we accept our situation and open up to life, I remind myself that things will be fine. Things will change and be set to another point.
Goal long-term as well as short-term
Have some goals – a monthly goal and a weekly goal. This is the most important thing I learned. This is the most crucial thing. This will give us the power and strength in our course of life.
This video does an exceedingly good job of reminding us of the value of a goal.
Must have a goal – a reason to wake up ( https://youtu.be/Kjc6AhW6I1U?si=jBgaNSB_BDqKyQzW)
Have you noticed that when you have a deadline that you do not control – you work for it – as an exam or a project goes live? This is our focus. Having this focus energizes us.
For me, I was thinking of writing my book. I heard it takes a lot of time to write and it takes a lot of work. I felt I would start by grabbing a class on writing. I then thought I would participate in a writing competition. I soon realized these were not going anywhere. So, I began talking to the editors. They said – start writing a book. We decided I would come up with the proposal and then see her. So I put a date. Once I had, I think things started becoming more accessible. I have set a goal: I must have my book proposal by June 2024. Let me see where it takes me.
The point is that having a goal with a date changes the mental dynamics.
Deliberate practice of contentment.
I realize that being content is not a natural state of mind. I have to stop. I have to relish, and I will give time to this. This is not a luxury. This is one of the most critical mental workouts.
The mind must fall in line -We must tell the mind what to do.
Now that we have a goal let us take control of our lives. Mind is the tool.
One of my experiences is that if someone makes me feel bad, I try to analyze why I feel bad and what I can do not to feel the pain. I realize that I am forever attempting to free myself from pain. Mind will always tell us what we need to do and what we need not do. Mind also likes to get worried and engaged in strategizing what it would do or how it will respond and teach the same result.
For me, I have created a worry, anxiety, and fear diary. I keep these emotions here and try to toe the root of these issues. I want to discover the root cause and address it at that level.
For example- I have seen that I have a deep belief that people are trying to take advantage.
This has been the root cause that I am trying to work on.
Being uncomfortable – lean into uncomfortable.
Anything that makes you uncomfortable is worthy of taking a close look. This is where life wants us to learn something or break a barrier.
I recently joined a writers’ club. There was a holiday dinner, and I was invited. I barely knew anybody. I tried to find any excuse to avoid attending the party.
I went there and met some of the folks. I felt isolated at times. I met with some people. Overall, it was ok. I realized that we suffer from what is known as https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-spotlight-effect-3024470
Nobody cares. It is this bias that makes us uncomfortable.
Another thing that has helped me accept that I have certain shortcomings. I do not want to do something as I am uncomfortable, as this will expose a part of me that I like to keep to myself.
I have been working in the area of self-development. I perform on it. I have decided that I will not reject who I am. I like to say I am as much a saint as I am.
I will take the consequences. I have realized that we are afraid to lose what I have. I felt that I would stay open to whatever life brings me. Who knows what life will hold? I believe something will come out if I am open and flexible.
This made me a bit less fearful. The problem, I feel, is we do not want to lose what we have.
I feel that is the place where we grow.
Watch out for relaxation as an excuse.
We very often take a break to relax ourselves. We need to be cautious not to get beyond a pre-determined time slot.
One of my traps has been finding something exciting and planning activities. I often found out I had spent too much time in relaxation.
Have a routine, a structure.
I am a fun-loving person. In the past, I liked to do what I felt was fun. I would find something exciting and would plan and execute it. Such things are entertaining, for sure. What I did not realize was that there was a price I was paying. This made me neglect essential things that I needed to do. I learned that I would need to change if I wanted to do something big. If you do research, you will see that having a routine and structure in your life is one of the foundations of accomplishing anything meaningful and significant. So, I am starting to build a routine.
Here are some of the things in my routine. I do my sanas after I wake up. Every day, I devote one hour to writing. Before bed – every day for 15 minutes to half an hour, I listened to relaxing music or songs.
I have seen that it feels like I could squeeze in anything when I do not have anything planned or structured. I have realized that this behavior makes me plan many things without accomplishing most of the items. This used to cause me a lot of stress. Once I switched to a routine – it became much more straightforward, and it was satisfying to look back and enjoy accomplishing at least part of the goal.
We do not realize the hypnosis under which we are operating. If we are open to investigating the reality of our lives, we can find out what a grand illusion we are running under. If we are willing to do the hard work of taking control back from our mind – we can genuinely enjoy a fulfilling life where our imagination is the only limiting factor.
