We donot want what we think we want

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Introduction

For this article – I will not make a strict distinction between need and want. This will help us to focus on the general theme of the article.

When TV first came, they were confined to only big cities.  In one small village, one day one of the villagers bought a TV from town. The peace of the village was disrupted.   Fellow villagers felt that they cannot live without TV.  

I am sure, you have seen such events in your own life. Children need to have a video game or kids must-have phone.

Do you think – we need the TV or the video game?

If we look closely at things – we will notice that what we want is not about that thing. There is a deeper want that is in place. Interestingly these wants have some deep psychological underpinning with specific characteristics. Every want can be traced to a fundamental need that is tied to our nature.

 

Need to be part of the tribe

We want to belong. We want to feel that we are part of society. Being social animals has given us a tremendous social advantage. Very often a huge part of our wants stems from our need to be part of the community. These are not confined to just materialistic objects. This extends to our other want – like learn certain things, develop some skills.

 

Novelty and excitement

Think of all the projects you started. Think of all the books you started reading. Think of all the things you wanted to learn. You will notice that lot of these have been abandoned. I think it is the experience of a lot of us. We are wired to look for excitement. If you felt the urge to read a book or listen to something or go somewhere unplanned – you might have noticed that they all have one thing in common. You find them exciting.  We have a very strong need for excitement.

 

Intrinsic need

If you look at your life – you will notice that some needs never go away. These are things that you get drawn to. We might call these our callings. These represent our need to be who we are. These are things you love.  You might also notice that you give expression to such needs often. You do this by engaging in some activities – which represent the fulfilment of such needs. One of my childhood desires was to be a teacher/professor. I still am not one. Now I look at my life – I see that I enjoy activities that a teacher would do. It happens unconsciously. If I look at myself from the outside – I feel that I have a very strong need to nurture. So, I can see that lot of my wants stem from this core.  

 

Conclusion

We all have our wants.  We often think we want what we want without realizing that there is a deep psychological root.

This awareness helps us to be aware of situations when we are manipulated.

When we can look at our needs from this level – we can manage our wants effectively. It helps us to get insight into our inner world. We don’t blame ourselves for our wants or feel we are bad because we have certain wants. This paves the way for self-mastery.

Realizing that our needs come from being who we are – we can be at peace with our wants without chasing to fulfill each want.

3 thoughts on “We donot want what we think we want”

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